I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
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