Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
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