is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
