I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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