i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
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Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
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Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize