are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
