So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
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So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
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Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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