Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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