is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
