I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
She even gives head with a lisp.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
