new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
People with herpes should wear stickers.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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