got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
she told me i tasted like america
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
