I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Randomize
