he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
