Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
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Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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