i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
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