Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
