life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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