I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize