is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
