saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Randomize
