and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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