and my herpes radar will keep us safe
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I intend to get homeless drunk
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Randomize
