he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
