Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(231): View more from Michigan

So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again

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(231): So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again http://tfl.nu/75wq

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(708): View more from Illinois

Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone

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(708): Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone http://tfl.nu/40xl

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(847): View more from Illinois

So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be

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(847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be http://tfl.nu/8bju

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(+44): View more from England

Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.

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(+44): Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call. http://tfl.nu/fjfe

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(314): View more from Missouri

totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.

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(314): totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came. http://tfl.nu/jfvh

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(248): View more from Michigan

Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."

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(248): Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching." http://tfl.nu/eoit

Replies (59) Good night (908) Bad night (3151) Order T-Shirt
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(706): View more from Georgia

Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.

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(706): Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully. http://tfl.nu/qn1h

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....

(1-605): View more from South Dakota

i always knew you were classy

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(603): laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom.... (1-605): i always knew you were classy http://tfl.nu/hf24

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(248): View more from Michigan

Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.

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(248): Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism. http://tfl.nu/ywit

Replies (19) Good night (5026) Bad night (987) Order T-Shirt
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(905): View more from Ontario

he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.

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(905): he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family. http://tfl.nu/wcpl

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(812): View more from Indiana

Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.

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(812): Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life. http://tfl.nu/nr1l

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(479): View more from Arkansas

I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah

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(479): I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah http://tfl.nu/ef97

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(586): View more from Michigan

There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.

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(586): There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life. http://tfl.nu/feu1

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(425): View more from Washington

Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET

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(425): Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET http://tfl.nu/8n1t

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(817): View more from Texas

I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.

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(817): I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday. http://tfl.nu/g52l

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