i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Randomize
