His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
