Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
