There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
