No stitches, just platelets and will power
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
