Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
