I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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