i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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