Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
