he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
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