chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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