And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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