Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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