she was so not down for the gang bang
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
