did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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