the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
