girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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