We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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