Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize