Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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