Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
