Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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