$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
