It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
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