Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
