Jerry, you need to find god
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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