So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize