toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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