omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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