I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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