dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
