he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
