I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
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