So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
