I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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