We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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